Sitting at my Ono Sendai

oh Kerouac
December 16, 2009, 10:39 pm
Filed under: thoughts

job search remains unsuccessful, still kind of freaking out about it. Especially because Mozilla practically teased me and didn’t even bother interviewing me.

I am however, on my way to Peru for the break, first time back home in a year.

I found this earlier today, made me smile.

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes ‘Awww!'” – Jack Kerouac


I am terrified of what happens next
December 2, 2009, 2:09 am
Filed under: thoughts

I don’t know what to do. Everywhere around me people are applying to grad school, or accepting jobs at places…and I’m just feeling worried about the whole life thing. As much as people say it’ll all be ok, it’s really grinding on me right now.
I don’t know what to do. Music is getting me through, like it always does

the little things
November 26, 2009, 3:34 am
Filed under: thoughts

from chrisamaphone’s LJ, but I just wondered what the little things were that kept you going lately.

I wrote down a (partial) list…feel free to write yours too.

  • the amazing array of things that make me feel pride for my home country
  • catching a reference that felt designed just for me
  • hugs (giving and receiving)
  • that eureka moment when you solve a problem in twelf
  • a light mist as if the world were gently weeping, it’s ok, world, it gets better :)
  • fine cheese, fine wine, cute girls
  • being able to hit that stride on the same beat as the music in my ears as I leave for the day
  • solving a puzzle, solving many puzzles, discovering puzzles
  • a few TV shows (if only because they find ways to make me smile)
  • music I haven’t heard that makes my want to bob my head
  • running into an old friend and catching up
  • reading unconventional comics
  • the rising feeling you can get from a soulful choral arrangement
  • seeing people mess up some place I’ve messed up before, proud I’ve learned from my mistakes
  • knowing that out there…somewhere…we are all loved

care to share? :)

a sad girl with red hair and a cute smile
November 18, 2009, 6:00 am
Filed under: thoughts


Pizza & Wings: a totally true and completely fact-based origin story that I totally didn’t just make up right now. totally.
November 17, 2009, 4:43 am
Filed under: thoughts

As a historian, keen observer of men (and women, hello…ladies), food connoisseur, and Oxford comma neutralist; I’ve always wondered where the tradition/habit/custom of having pizza and chicken wings came from. Being a worldly man, I can tell you that this phenomena is of uniquely American origin, I have not encountered it anywhere else on this fine Earth but I’ve yet to ask a friend who I strongly suspect is an alien (if you met this guy, you’d know; anyway, I’ll let you know).

So I decided to investigate. I put on my Sherlock Holmes cape, my pink bunny slippers, my funny hat and lit a pipe and left it in the library (in a stack of books, I hope nothing caught on fire). Poring through many BOOKS filled with FACTS I was able to put together the following BRIEF and completely TRUE historie.

Few things have been written about the first glorious pairing of chicken and wing, much less is written of it. Many historians believe that it occurred at the second Thanksgiving when the pilgrims (the ones with the big buckles and unattractive British women) made a dish known to them as ‘pieza’ because, “they were tired of eating turkey and corn and stuff, y’know?”. It was then, that Squantbro, having kicked it pretty hard the previous evening on a wicked bender of firewater and cheap peacepipe, thought out loud to himself “we cook’em bird, it go well with pie” (his English being rudimentary not to be offensive but to maintain the realism of learning a new language and totally not to be offensive). And they did, and the bounty was good, and the pie probably could have used some more cheese but resources were scarce at the time so lay off, ok?

This story goes largely unnoticed in history, some wrongly credit the Italian immigrants who set up pizzerias in the tougher boroughs of New York, claiming they added wings to the menu for “the hell of it”. This is completely not true, they heard of it from the Native Americans, the ones that are still in New York, pretending to not have been cheated out by some shiny beads and fancy belt buckles. I stand by this fact (but not too closely, one could say I stand in the general vicinity of this fact, I may have seen this fact around but we are definitely not on a first-name basis).

holy shit man, life is awesome, embrace that shit
November 5, 2009, 3:42 am
Filed under: thoughts

from a conversation earlier, archived for posterity, and because I think me being able to say this has been helpful not just to him, but to me as well.

02:19 < DeMarko> lroop: I mean, I was long convinced you were a robot programmed to demean yourself because you were made in a small town somewhere
02:20  * DeMarko would like to say your identity isn’t just where you’re from, but thinks that is defeatingly cliché?
02:20 < lroop> DeMarko: I’m working on it. I’m *trying* to be less dissatisfied with myself, it’s just being kind of a slow process.  I’m open to suggestions if you have any thoughts on what would make me more happy with who I am
02:21 < DeMarko> lroop: my only suggestion is stop being hung up on that. it’s funny that I’m saying this, having been hung up on many different things
02:21 < DeMarko> it’s not a flaw of you, it’s a challenge you overcame
02:22 < DeMarko> you were from a small town, you overcame that adversity, you’re at a top school now
02:22 < DeMarko> think of it like that
02:22 < DeMarko> I’m from FREAKING PERU
02:22 < lroop> valid point. I’m certain getting into CMU from Peru is much harder than getting in from VA
02:22 < DeMarko> does that kind of make sense? you like, rocked that challenge
02:23 < DeMarko> have you played D&D? I have a D&D term I want to use, but not sure it’s appropriate
02:23 < lroop> yes. I’ve made something of myself. first person from my high school to apply here.
02:23 < DeMarko> exactly!
02:23 < lroop> DeMarko: No, I’ve never played D&D. Always kinda wanted to, was never able to find a group of people who seemed receptive to a n00b
02:23 < DeMarko> that’s a step, that’s how you think of it
02:23 < DeMarko> oh well
02:24 < Elly> lroop: I don’t think you could point to a single one of us that sees the world “like a normal human”
02:24 < DeMarko> let’s say, I think your background is best used as bardic knowledge
02:24 < DeMarko> like…obscure knowledge, that has been granted to you from your upbringing and adventures
02:24 < DeMarko> and you should use it to your advantage, not let it become this hinderance
02:25 < lroop> DeMarko: haha probably… very good point. I should use my past more as a reference, and less as who I am now.
02:25 < lroop> and I”m definitely not the person I was when I came here 2 years ago anyhow
02:25 < DeMarko> lroop: exactly!
02:25 < DeMarko> and you can keep changing
02:26 < DeMarko> maybe you were never allowed to be the person you wanted to be back home, like, it’s a possibility
02:26 < DeMarko> I was certainly never availed of the many geeky opportunities I have been given at CMU
02:27 < DeMarko> getting drunk and learning lambda calculus? talking about high energy physics and theater in the same conversation?
02:27 < DeMarko> holy shit man, life is awesome, embrace that
02:28 < mrwright> DeMarko++ for the last few minutes
02:28 < bblum> :)
02:28 < DeMarko> I mean, idunno, it makes sense, right? I’ve been thinking about it for a while
02:28 < DeMarko> and I didn’t mean to pick on you specifically lroop
02:29 < lroop> hehe yeah… or having people actually be impressed with the fact that I can disassemble and repair a laser printer. or meeting a girl who thinks designing a computer processor sounds like fun
02:29 < DeMarko> but I felt the advice might be applicable to you
02:29 < lroop> DeMarko; I don’t take offense. I’m well aware that I’m not always the most pleasant person in the world, and that I tend to be too harsh on myself.
02:31 < DeMarko> lroop: :)
02:31  * DeMarko hugs lroop
02:31 < DeMarko> you’re gonna turn out alright, you gotta work on it, but you’ll be alright

November 1, 2009, 12:35 am
Filed under: thoughts

at this point, my biggest fear is running out of coping mechanisms before the end of the semester. crossing them off slowly…