Sitting at my Ono Sendai

Pizza & Wings: a totally true and completely fact-based origin story that I totally didn’t just make up right now. totally.
November 17, 2009, 4:43 am
Filed under: thoughts

As a historian, keen observer of men (and women, hello…ladies), food connoisseur, and Oxford comma neutralist; I’ve always wondered where the tradition/habit/custom of having pizza and chicken wings came from. Being a worldly man, I can tell you that this phenomena is of uniquely American origin, I have not encountered it anywhere else on this fine Earth but I’ve yet to ask a friend who I strongly suspect is an alien (if you met this guy, you’d know; anyway, I’ll let you know).

So I decided to investigate. I put on my Sherlock Holmes cape, my pink bunny slippers, my funny hat and lit a pipe and left it in the library (in a stack of books, I hope nothing caught on fire). Poring through many BOOKS filled with FACTS I was able to put together the following BRIEF and completely TRUE historie.

Few things have been written about the first glorious pairing of chicken and wing, much less is written of it. Many historians believe that it occurred at the second Thanksgiving when the pilgrims (the ones with the big buckles and unattractive British women) made a dish known to them as ‘pieza’ because, “they were tired of eating turkey and corn and stuff, y’know?”. It was then, that Squantbro, having kicked it pretty hard the previous evening on a wicked bender of firewater and cheap peacepipe, thought out loud to himself “we cook’em bird, it go well with pie” (his English being rudimentary not to be offensive but to maintain the realism of learning a new language and totally not to be offensive). And they did, and the bounty was good, and the pie probably could have used some more cheese but resources were scarce at the time so lay off, ok?

This story goes largely unnoticed in history, some wrongly credit the Italian immigrants who set up pizzerias in the tougher boroughs of New York, claiming they added wings to the menu for “the hell of it”. This is completely not true, they heard of it from the Native Americans, the ones that are still in New York, pretending to not have been cheated out by some shiny beads and fancy belt buckles. I stand by this fact (but not too closely, one could say I stand in the general vicinity of this fact, I may have seen this fact around but we are definitely not on a first-name basis).


1 Comment so far
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Ha ha, this was pretty hilarious! Thanks!

Comment by Greg

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