dammit…

As a historian, keen observer of men (and women, hello…ladies), food connoisseur, and Oxford comma neutralist; I’ve always wondered where the tradition/habit/custom of having pizza and chicken wings came from. Being a worldly man, I can tell you that this phenomena is of uniquely American origin, I have not encountered it anywhere else on this fine Earth but I’ve yet to ask a friend who I strongly suspect is an alien (if you met this guy, you’d know; anyway, I’ll let you know).

So I decided to investigate. I put on my Sherlock Holmes cape, my pink bunny slippers, my funny hat and lit a pipe and left it in the library (in a stack of books, I hope nothing caught on fire). Poring through many BOOKS filled with FACTS I was able to put together the following BRIEF and completely TRUE historie.

Few things have been written about the first glorious pairing of chicken and wing, much less is written of it. Many historians believe that it occurred at the second Thanksgiving when the pilgrims (the ones with the big buckles and unattractive British women) made a dish known to them as ‘pieza’ because, “they were tired of eating turkey and corn and stuff, y’know?”. It was then, that Squantbro, having kicked it pretty hard the previous evening on a wicked bender of firewater and cheap peacepipe, thought out loud to himself “we cook’em bird, it go well with pie” (his English being rudimentary not to be offensive but to maintain the realism of learning a new language and totally not to be offensive). And they did, and the bounty was good, and the pie probably could have used some more cheese but resources were scarce at the time so lay off, ok?

This story goes largely unnoticed in history, some wrongly credit the Italian immigrants who set up pizzerias in the tougher boroughs of New York, claiming they added wings to the menu for “the hell of it”. This is completely not true, they heard of it from the Native Americans, the ones that are still in New York, pretending to not have been cheated out by some shiny beads and fancy belt buckles. I stand by this fact (but not too closely, one could say I stand in the general vicinity of this fact, I may have seen this fact around but we are definitely not on a first-name basis).

from a conversation earlier, archived for posterity, and because I think me being able to say this has been helpful not just to him, but to me as well.

02:19 < DeMarko> lroop: I mean, I was long convinced you were a robot programmed to demean yourself because you were made in a small town somewhere
02:20  * DeMarko would like to say your identity isn’t just where you’re from, but thinks that is defeatingly cliché?
02:20 < lroop> DeMarko: I’m working on it. I’m *trying* to be less dissatisfied with myself, it’s just being kind of a slow process.  I’m open to suggestions if you have any thoughts on what would make me more happy with who I am
02:21 < DeMarko> lroop: my only suggestion is stop being hung up on that. it’s funny that I’m saying this, having been hung up on many different things
02:21 < DeMarko> it’s not a flaw of you, it’s a challenge you overcame
02:22 < DeMarko> you were from a small town, you overcame that adversity, you’re at a top school now
02:22 < DeMarko> think of it like that
02:22 < DeMarko> I’m from FREAKING PERU
02:22 < lroop> valid point. I’m certain getting into CMU from Peru is much harder than getting in from VA
02:22 < DeMarko> does that kind of make sense? you like, rocked that challenge
02:23 < DeMarko> have you played D&D? I have a D&D term I want to use, but not sure it’s appropriate
02:23 < lroop> yes. I’ve made something of myself. first person from my high school to apply here.
02:23 < DeMarko> exactly!
02:23 < lroop> DeMarko: No, I’ve never played D&D. Always kinda wanted to, was never able to find a group of people who seemed receptive to a n00b
02:23 < DeMarko> that’s a step, that’s how you think of it
02:23 < DeMarko> oh well
02:24 < Elly> lroop: I don’t think you could point to a single one of us that sees the world “like a normal human”
02:24 < DeMarko> let’s say, I think your background is best used as bardic knowledge
02:24 < DeMarko> like…obscure knowledge, that has been granted to you from your upbringing and adventures
02:24 < DeMarko> and you should use it to your advantage, not let it become this hinderance
02:25 < lroop> DeMarko: haha probably… very good point. I should use my past more as a reference, and less as who I am now.
02:25 < lroop> and I”m definitely not the person I was when I came here 2 years ago anyhow
02:25 < DeMarko> lroop: exactly!
02:25 < DeMarko> and you can keep changing
02:26 < DeMarko> maybe you were never allowed to be the person you wanted to be back home, like, it’s a possibility
02:26 < DeMarko> I was certainly never availed of the many geeky opportunities I have been given at CMU
02:27 < DeMarko> getting drunk and learning lambda calculus? talking about high energy physics and theater in the same conversation?
02:27 < DeMarko> holy shit man, life is awesome, embrace that
02:28 < mrwright> DeMarko++ for the last few minutes
02:28 < bblum> :)
02:28 < DeMarko> I mean, idunno, it makes sense, right? I’ve been thinking about it for a while
02:28 < DeMarko> and I didn’t mean to pick on you specifically lroop
02:29 < lroop> hehe yeah… or having people actually be impressed with the fact that I can disassemble and repair a laser printer. or meeting a girl who thinks designing a computer processor sounds like fun
02:29 < DeMarko> but I felt the advice might be applicable to you
02:29 < lroop> DeMarko; I don’t take offense. I’m well aware that I’m not always the most pleasant person in the world, and that I tend to be too harsh on myself.
02:31 < DeMarko> lroop: :)
02:31  * DeMarko hugs lroop
02:31 < DeMarko> you’re gonna turn out alright, you gotta work on it, but you’ll be alright

at this point, my biggest fear is running out of coping mechanisms before the end of the semester. crossing them off slowly…

note: I found this in the draft archive, according to the timestamp, I wrote it on the last day of summer break. Either way, the characters had no names, because I think I gave them names, hated them and just left them nameless. I suck at writing, but I try anyway?

[part of a head is seen poking into the door frame. the corner of a pair of red glasses shows for a moment before hearing a quick gasp and scamper back into the hallway]

No wait! Cute girl! Don’t run! [our hero gets up and tries to run down the hall after her, crashing into the wall opposite the door he finds an empty, long hallway] …what…the?

[friend strolls casually out to meet our hero-in-disbelief]

…-all I’m saying is that the merit of pursuing pure collectivism in society is unfortunately unachievable with the individual selfishness we’ve promoted over the years of building a capitalist culture. Wait…what are you doing on the wall?

You didn’t see her?!

See who?

The cutest girl in our linalg class! She popped her head into the cluster door and then ran off spooked. Maybe she wanted something.

[gestures in front of himself trying to connect some thoughts] So…what you’re saying is, a girl you’ve never talked to, in a class you hate, ran down this hall…when she noticed you noticed her and you think she wants something from you?

I didn’t…I didn’t say it made sense. But maybe she’s just really shy and I scared her! [terrified] ohgodIhopeIdidn’tscareher!

I don’t get you. We’ve been friends since the third grade, and I still don’t get you. She’s just some silly girl, it’s like you’re some loser in some pathetic story or something! Get over it, we need to get to our next class.

I wonder what she wante-

[friend yanks our less-than hero by the collar]

sometimes, a playlist isn’t just a playlist.

once, because I was/am a dumb human, I made a playlist that hurt to listen to. All those songs that would remind me of the pieces of something that I thought was. And it was the weirdest playlist too, you wouldn’t know there was a connection at all if you glanced at it.

Man, that was dumb. That was a dumb thing to do.

But what came of it, I found that interesting: I can’t make playlists anymore. I’ll try, and they suck, so much. I set out with a good idea, throw a couple songs in and then begin messing it up.

I’ve talked to a couple people about this, it has to do with how I connect music in my head. I talked to a professional about this once, they nodded and didn’t understand, it was like Stump the Experts.

It’s just weird…I tried again tonight, for the first time in a while. This one started ok…but I don’t know how it got to Let’s Dance to Joy Division…

but I guess I’m going to try to give you a reason to at least see something that I think is cool.

Earlier, I tweeted about how amazing Jay-Z’s new Rhapsody commercial is, people who don’t know or haven’t followed Jay-Z’s career would write it off as just another commercial, but let me show you why it’s probably one of the coolest tributes to a career I’ve seen so far.

Those are his album covers in the order they were released…now look at the video (if you haven’t already).

10 albums, 1 minute, beautifully shot, perfectly motioned. A masterpiece commercial.

seriously…today? several things were like “duh” and I was like “no way” and tried to ignore the first couple and then they were like “no, duh” again.

tomorrow though? flying out to PAX with Cass and Sekhar. it’s going to be amazing. I pray (one of the few times I do) that the gods of travel smile on us.

sometimes though, I wish the internet wasn’t so good at pinpointing those tiny little things at all the wrong times.

an addendum of sorts: it occurred to me recently, while helping a friend through a particularly tragic breakup, that I only have so much positive energy I can expend per day/week/month/year and all too often I use it all up on other people. I’m not sure how I recharge, sometimes it’s simple recognition, sometimes it’s those tiny things that make me smile. If you’ve been one to make me smile in the past I’d like to say thanks, I appreciate it, I hope I could help you too

Really, I had hopes this wouldn’t happen. I really did. I tried to start the semester with a positive outlook. And not be bitter or angsty about things. But it only took two days for me to return to being bitter. and annoyed. and punctuated improperly. Not that it matters in the grand scheme of things. I was also kind of offended that someone I’ve known since freshman year, someone I consider to be a friend, couldn’t even remember my name. And by kind of, I mean fairly offended. Because goddamn, I don’t care how bad your memory is for these things, he didn’t even remember the name he called me for the entire first year he knew me (“Darnell”, don’t ask). That was just an intro, and remembering that these are no longer the days of yesterStern.

Honestly, every little thing is just lacking any sort of luster. I have yet to be bitter about classes, that probably comes later. I’m looking forward to PAX, and then that’s it. For the rest of the semester. smiles tried telling me to cheer up somehow, maybe play games, but I’ve exhausted Fallout 3 to the point where I just wander around more-than-aimlessly and shoot things but no longer process it as a distracting activity.

What can I do? I can’t draw, I can’t write (I once could, but now everything I write is shit). chrisamaphone gave me a character to work with, and I’ve been really careful to do anything with the character because I don’t want to ruin something. Not that it’s a bad character, just…my confidence in my writing is somehow back to an all-time low and it would be like touching something really beautiful with disease ridden hands. Even though I know the disease is in my head, I can’t convince myself to ruin something else. A fault of my own, always.

We’ll see, maybe I really should take a semester off, although I don’t know what the point would be. There’s nothing I could accomplish on a semester off that I couldn’t during the semester. I’m happier when there are people around, and at the same time, people manage to frustrate me or find strange ways to make me feel lonely or stupid or both. If I remembered what dark coffee tasted like correctly, I’m probably approximately as bitter as that right now.

add.: the interesting bit is that upon much reflection I’ve realized that I conditioned myself quite stupidly to be angry at myself. And still am, despite realizing this a while ago.

I’m glad to see I got such a fervent response from all of you on my last post. :-/ I’ve come to think that now my posts are nothing but mindless self-indulgence.

Whatever.

Onward to the more relevant part of my post I suppose. A reflection on my internship this summer.

I think the problem with a big company is that often it is really easy to feel insignificant. Not that you are made to feel insignificant, none of that, I just think that I personally got lost in a part of it. As many intern projects go, some of them never even see the light of day, they lay the groundwork for things to come or become internal tools, but seldom do people outside of the company see their effects. This is the impression I got even though I met plenty of interns who were building things into parts of the next releases for their teams. They’re often the tiny little details.

Oh, but the attention is in the details, in every product we make, in all the code that’s written, in every interface that’s designed. It’s a means to strive for something, and one I very much appreciate and enjoy working on. Every time I worked on my project I thought: “oh, but it would be cool to add this button that does x” or “the users need a subtle visual cue to let them know what’s going on” and I loved working on those.

There was more than once this summer where I wished I could take a break from what I was working on directly. Just to change the pace, just because this is how I work. And the impossibility of doing this kind of resulted in me writing 4 comic scripts, a short Twitter musical, and some other things I’ve since then deleted because I thought they were rubbish. Maybe I was just in the wrong place for working like that. Maybe it’s a personal flaw of mine that I’m not able to hyperfocus on something for months at a time.

It occurs to me however that I really do love the culture there. It’s a combination of past and present, being able to directly talk to the people that made something was AMAZING. “Oh hey, I have an issue with Y.” “You should talk to Q, he worked on Y since the project started!” and despite the notorious reputation for confidentiality, whoever it was that you needed to talk to was overjoyed to do so, ecstatic even. And that’s amazing. The place bleeds passion, in the best way.

There are a couple things throughout the summer that made me incredibly uncomfortable to work there. All of them related to a generational misunderstanding and a bad temper from someone. I won’t talk about it here, but if you’re curious, poke me in person and we can discuss it. Thankfully, going through the experience with everyone else made it more bearable, ignoring it largely did too.

Dom said something about the speed of corporate at the beginning of the summer. Given how long it took to get me all the things I needed to start my project, I’m not that overjoyed with corporate speed. I understand it and why it happens, but I like being able to get the things I need when I need them.

As always, I run out of things to say. Would I do it again? Definitely, I was right to feel unprepared last summer. I was slightly more capable(?) and confident this summer and I’ve learned a lot, about real work, about languages and devices and about myself. Would I do something else? Again, definitely. Having sampled what it’s like to work for a big company, I’m curious what it would be like to work for a smaller shop. Why? Because you have to know how you’re most comfortable.

I am taking away a lot from this summer, largely including a new philosophy for myself and the things I will work on in the future. I did miss the city a lot, and was homesick a lot, but these are things that change over time.

We’ll see where I go from here. This summer was certainly better than last.